it's all just a blackjack game

i can't believe i'm starting to like my pinoy prof.. not like as in having a crush on him ha.. nothing of that sort.. but our whole class find him so... i dunno.. basta majority of us dont like him.. panitikan used to be a very boring subject.. still is.. add to that an equally if not more boring prof.. and a smart one!! of course all of us would want smart instructors. but his intelligence is way beyond our capacity.. so deep, so profound, so hard to reach.. it's so hard to be able to relate to him.. especially when all he actually does is ask and ask and ask questions.. and he never runs out of whys.. why this? why that? why him? why she? why us? and to think that our class lasts an hour and a half!! that's a relatively long period, considering not just the boring part but the scary (read humiliating)one: our discussion would always come to the point when he'd call those that dont recite.. and that includes me!! di sya nagpapahiya.. pero mapapahiya ka pa rin eh.. and he has this thing for economics/management majors.. the future capitalists.. galit sya sa capitalists... heck, galit sya sa mundo..

pero sabi ko nga, i'm starting to like him na.. for no practical/obvious reason.. maybe because he's one of MAHARLIKA's closest friends here in ateneo noon.. here's how i knew:

i learned from a friend that my prof has a friendster account (actually he also keeps a blog daw). hahaha we can't believe it at first cause he looks so tatay.. i thought he's just the same age as my dad.. pero 28 lang pala sya.. hirap rin paniwalaan yun sobra.. and already a palanca awardee at that.. i knew cause i read harlijk's testimonial for him..

talaga naman palang magaling.. last tuesday nga i raised my hand na.. VOLUNTARILY ha.. astig tama sagot ko.. saya na ako.. ok i'm shallow..

sheesh.. small world it is.. my pinoy prof is harlijk's close friend.. la lang..

gotta go 'coz may class pa 'ko sa pinoy..

i finally did it. bought paolo coelho's veronika decides to die (matagal ko nang gustong bilhin to) and that leaves me with only 230 pesos starting now (tuesday) til friday.. kaya pa? kaya pa.. but what's worse is that i still haven't got my 160 pesos from my mom.. she didn't know i spent more than 300 for a novel.. so actually i only have 75 pesos.. bad enough?? nah!! the worst thing is i forgot to bring my wallet today.. that means i either have to live through this day without lunch or go back to the condo to get my wallet.. i dont know.. still thinking about it..

we had chem lab earlier.. i'm quite satisfied with my quizzes and lab reports.. the instructor's quite generous.. but still not enough for me to get an A.. haha..

sorry guys.. guess i won't make it to the cheerdance.. that's this sunday right? on monday kasi i'll be having a long exam for chemistry.. long exams are 50% of our chem grade peeps.. please understand.. but that's not just it.. that same day i have to pass two research proposals for communication.. the argumentative research paper is also 50% of our comm grade.. and i have to make a good start..

i have to choose priorities.. september 12 is such a bad day for me to have fun.. sorry.. sorry.. please understand i also have obligations for myself..

anyway, thanks.. i know you understand..

i wasn't able to blog yesterday cause tabulas was having some maintenance whatever.. anyway, as my previous blog had it, i was supposed to have only 75 pesos for the whole week starting last tuesday.. guess what? my aunt and uncle (mother's side) were staying with us for a few days.. and gave me money.. money that would last me a month even without baon from my mom... oh! i love God. He really knows what i need even if i don't ask for help.. God was soooooo good!! maybe that incident was His way of reminding me that He's always with me no matter what the circumstances are.. sometimes kasi i tend to be overly stressed out, very very busy with studies and friends.. sometimes talagang tamad lang.. i tend to forget Him..

but God would always prove to me na He's worthy of all my attention and love.. dont get me wrong.. its not the money thing that made me appreciate God better.. its the struggle and that part where He interferes to help lighten my load. imagine naman guys having to survive four school days with only 75 pesos.. oh well.. that dilemma is over.. God helped me na.. i love you God.. :D

oh i love my mom so much.. i rarely have these kinds of realizations.. of course i've always loved my mom but times like this are very rare.. you know when you suddenly realize that life would be so hard without her, when you start to realize all her sacrifices for you..

it actually started three days (tuesday) and two nights ago.. we got our scores for our midterms in Filipino.. as much as i hate to post this on my blog, what i got was a lowly C. and thats already adjusted na.. its supposed to be a D. i didn't tell my mom at first cause we had visitors nga staying with us (by the way umuwi na sila). i dont want her naman to get mad at me at the wrong time. so i didnt tell her. but eventually she found out cause she has this habit of looking at my bags.. but that's it.. she found out.. i expected her to burst out (the term "burst out" is actually a mean exaggeration) - as she always does when i get bad scores.

but she reacted oppositely.. she didn't get mad!! she just talked to me, asked me if i studied and prepared for the test - i said yes, i did - told me i can still do bawi.. she asked me why i didn't tell her right away. i said i dont want to ruin her day what with her relatives with us. she told me i have to tell her things like this - not just the good stuff - so she won't go on expecting high from me..

the next day she had this terrible headache.. she told me she wasnt able to sleep that night.. she was thinking of and worrying about my score..

i was so touched... i was more affected when she didnt get mad.. it hurts eh.. seeing her sad and agonized about my score made me feel so lacking.. dati when she's mad, i also get mad na rin.. if she gets mad kasi parang i dont focus na on my mistakes but instead i think of those things which made me feel i did my best (i know im talking nonsense here but please bear with me).. but she didnt get mad.. she was just sad.. and making my mom sad was such a different experience cause i rarely do it.. making her sad affected me so much....

But i've got good news for her today.. i got a B in our Lit midterms!!! its not really that high but for my standards.. oh well, i expected a C eh.. cause it was really hard!! she (the prof) made us read a really really long story, and not a page-turner, and gave us ONE QUESTION to answer essay type.. and we were only given an hour for all of that! as estimations would have it, reading the story alone is already 20 minutes.. thats fast reading already ha.. its that long.. and the question pa was so hard..

But then i got a B.. that's good enough for me.. for now.. but maybe next sem i would have to strive for A's.. but only if God helps me cause we'll be having 6 units of calculus next sem.. i think that means everyday with calculus..

kaya kaya? kaya yan.. with God.. love you mom!!

yesterday would be one day i'd never ever forget.. it was such an adventure.. i had my first cut - in chemistry!!! not that i was dared to.. i really had to. ah basta grabe.. if only you know.. i didn't eat lunch, i was really panicking na. kasi we have a project which needed to be submitted yesterday.. but i also had other things to do so i decided to put off the project till 11am (chemistry is 1230) since we only need to do some editing and add some pics. but we, i mean i, had some problems with the diskette. super big problems po it took me the whole period of chemistry to finally get it done..!! it was so stressful..!!!!! i know you cant really imagin it but believe me it was so hard!! i didnt even have lunch! buti na lang i was still in control of myself.. buti na lang the last bit of my sense of humor got the better of me.. buti na lang amy, chill and kyle were there to keep me sane.. haha..

but here's the catch.. i finally have our project printed past 130 na.. so tapos na chem namin nun.. so i looked for his office and when i finally got there...

mimi: sir, project po namin
sir: o, sana di ka nag-absent..
mimi: (oh no, there can't be a quiz!!) ah sir, bakit po..?
sir: wala naman
mimi: eh sir, ang laki kasi ng problema ko dyan sa project eh.. nagloloko yung diskette

sir: ahhh.. sana sinend mo na lang sa e-group natin..

i grew numb.. it was such a funny experience!!! and ridiculous din if you'll take it the way i did.. all my sacrifices (a period in chem, sinungitan ako nung mga tao sa ctc, and LUNCH!!) just to get our project submitted are actually unnecessary???!!! coz i could just have sent it to that E-GROUP???!!!

oh well, God does have a great sense of humor..

next topic...
kanina was the first time my crush spoke to me in tagalog.. he's really conyo kasi dati and talagang di nagtatagalog. sabi ng friend ko baka daw nafe-feel na ng crush ko na talagang kelangan na nyang makisama.. and magtagalog.. hahaha


currently feeling stressed out but happy and kilig

first things first: if you guys haven't watched feng shui and are planning to, don't leave the theater before the movie actually ends cause there's a twist in the end. and my friend says feng shui is scarier than the exorcist..

i've watched feng shui yesterday with four of my blockmates. nakauwi na kami past nine in the evening. can't believe pinayagan ako ng mom ko. first i texted her but haven't got a reply for around 3 hours. it's actually ok if i can go or not, so why not just try asking for permission? the original plan was that we watch exorcist at 455 pm so we can get back at or before 7 pm.. so i called her cellphone, then learned that it's turned off (drained na). so i called our landline.. talked to her, told her we're not commuting, one of my friends is driving, and that we'll be back by 7pm..

so that's basically it.. but then we were stuck in traffic i think around katipunan and got into eastwood past five na.. the earliest movie there is is 13 going on 30 (610) ata but they want a horror movie.. the next earliest is feng shui (that's what ann wants naman talaga), starts 7pm. i was really sure my mom's not gonna allow that na.. my friends would still want to go on with it but they were also willing to sacrifice the movie if i'm not gonna be allowed and just eat and hang around the place.. they told me to ask permission again, tell my mom the truth, (that we were stuck in traffic, etc.) klart told me to tell my mom that she's gonna hatid me to prince david.. chill was even offering her cellphone for me to call my mom..

so i called her nga - using my own cp ha..hahaha. at first she was alarmed when i told her that my friends would still want to watch a movie even if we'd be back around 9 or 10 na.. i told her nga na ihahatid ako ni klart.. amazingly, she allowed me to go..

i texted her saying thanks then when we were eating na at jack's loft, i got a message from her and i'm typing it here exactly as how she texted it: "Cgurado k kyo lahat sama2.Basta ingat k.I trust u,hope u can b trusted.Hindi alam ni Dad mo ito.I just want u 2 learn little by little d realities of life by ur Own u can't be w/. me or me w/. u all my life.Somedy u wil hav ur own life2 live& hav family of ur own.Just kep n mind d things that i told u.B careful, i luv u."

i was reading that in the midst of my friends' loud laughters and i could have cried that very moment.. the fact that i would have to leave them and have a life of my own is so sad no matter how i look forward to it..

this is one of the things i fear most: becoming overly attached to someone. sometimes i think that loving someone too much is such a bad idea as there would always come a time when we would part and say our goodbye's.. and when that time comes, it's simply gonna hurt like hell.. but then again, i've only one life to live so why not give all the love i could? why not cry all my heart out for someone i love with all my life?


anyway, back to the topic: feng shui..

feng shui was a work of a genius.. i dont care if it's not really that original as it copied some ideas from the ring, the others, and some other movies that made it big.. that fact still remains that it scared me to death!!! seriously guys, because of that movie i began to consider that i might have some heart problems (meron talaga sa pamilya namin yun) cause talagang sumakit yung puso ko after a major sigawan (i felt it in the left side of my breast eh) and the pain didn't disappear right away.. it stayed for a long time..

speaking of sigawan, feng shui is not just like other movies were only one particular group of people - those who were really scaredy cats - screams after every scary scene.. in feng shui, the whole area was full of screams; everybody was scared as hell everytime the faces would appear..

ay grabe i found it really hard to sleep kagabi.. sana lumipas din to..

i'm currently working on my research paper.. guess what my topic is? ano pa di parliamentary ulit!! di na nagsawa oh.. haha.. anyway, i'm really having a hard time about this especially cause i'm kinda stuck with the introductory part.. it's kinda ok though...

i wasnt able to blog yesterday but something quite interesting happened.. i asked my mom to wake me up early so i could do some research at the ctc.. so i got to school around or before 8am. the ctc computer labs weren't open yet so i waited for a while.. while waiting, i decided to stay at one of the benches there. i don't usually receive text messages as early as that time but thank God, i had the urge to check my phone inbox..

a message from amy: di ka pasok? i looked around for while.. i still don't get it.. i was about to reply, "oo, bat naman ako hindi papasok?" when i started to think of my subjects for the day.. tuesday. filipino and math lang naman.. then it struck me.. i have chem lab at 730!! oh my.. oh my.. buti na lang sec c is just beside ctc.. i was so nervous!!!! one lab class, one lab report. missed lab report equals 0..!!!

still nervous.. still nervous.. i have long ago accepted, though i still want to change the fact that i'm one of the most absent-minded fellows you'll ever meet.. especially if i'm overly stressed out with so many things occupying my mind.. blame it on the research paper!! blame it on the research paper!! naturally, because i completely forgot all abou chem lab, i forgot it's dress code too.. no khakis - i wore khakis. no open shoes - i wore sandals. oh well.. oh well.. i was thinking, sana di mapansin ni sir (cause he usually walks around the class during lab to monitor our works).. but..

as i entered the class, our teacher was just sitting there at his desk.. and sa pagmamadali ko, natalisod ako.. which probably caught the attention of people near the area.. i never bothered to verify if they ever did. i never bothered to look at sir's direction.. basta i know he saw my clothes, i just tried to act as if nothing's wrong..

buti na lang naka-catch-up pa ko sa activity namin.. which, by the way, is one of the most interesting experiments we ever had: we made a hand cream!! wow!! nag-feeling pond's experts kami.. funny thing is, a lot of us agreed that the hand cream was really itchy!!! and mabaho pa.. smells like glue.. i tried my classmate's cream, it was that itchy.. so i never bothered trying on mine..

buti na lang may amy who cared.. oh thank God for people like her.. one of the few things that make my stay in ateneo considerably worthwhile.. but that's another story altogether..

bye, bye..

i'm so bored now (not that i'm not busy though), i dont know what to write here.. maybe just welcome you guys muna.. haha.. i've tried writing about a lot of things na..

probably talk about my hell week - weeks for that matter - but i dont have my schedule with me now so i dont know what exactly are due when - i know though that it's a truckload!!! whaaa!!! fil project due next tuesday and we haven't even started with the website..!! how can we when our topic is THAT HARD!!!! with a topic like "panu INAALIW ng babae ang kanyang sarili?" come on, how are you supposed to respond to that? and how about our chemistry presentation this friday? we haven't even talk about it..

and then i considered talking about life in ateneo.. for that matter, the article might as well be titled: "in the company of conyos".. but you might find it a bit overreacting cause the way i see it, nobody gives a damn about conyos.. (not really nobody cause a vast majority of my ateneo friends dont like conyos) why should they, anyway.. in ateneo, conyos are a reality of life.. imagine life when every three seconds, you hear: "oh my God!!". that idea is not from me.. just heard it from a friend.. and yes, i was exaggerating... actually, the real reason why i cant seem to go on with the article about conyos is that the way i see it, conyos still constitute a minority in ateneo.. 49% is still minority right? kidding!!! but seriously, ateneo didnt turn out exactly as i expected.. you know what i mean..

maybe i could write about the things that happened to me during the day.. but that's boring!!! i'm living the life of an ultimate nerd!! kidding!!! who's gonna believe that anyway.. (i just would like to remind everyone that this article is written during one of the author's states of euphoria - what does that mean again? - meaning, what i write here is not considered and pondered upon thoroughly.. not that i'm careful with my other entries)

oh well, oh well... it's just me..

and yes, i thought of writing about "the company of wolves".. but who's gonna appreciate (not that i'm looking for appreciation.. but that's just me) my thoughts, ideas, and insights (as if i really do have) if they don't know what the story is all about.. and no, summarizing won't do any good.. you've gotta feel the story - as it is.. and i'm not gonna post the whole story here.. not with my current mindframe (is there such word?)

and well, i'm starting to realize, not just now, that the ideas flow more easily with a keyboard rather than with a pen (would you believe that?) but maybe only for this kind of writing.. for research papers and feature articles like the one we have in english 12 (if not for miss cheng-chua, i would have said english 12 is super super crap!!!) nothing beats the pen and paper...oh well, that's just me..

teka lang.. kala ko ba bored ako at walang masulat?