it's all just a blackjack game

here was the poem we analyzed for our lit long test.. just wanna share it with you cause it was really heartbreaking...

THE SPINSTER'S CURSE
by Naya Valdellon

This is what the thirteenth fairy
must have felt. I peer through
the thick glass of hte nursery,

looking for you. All babies have
the same slits for eyes, pink-
cheeked pudginess I can't stand.

They point you out to me, well-
meaning friends of your mother,
cooing their pigeon-hearted

predictions, spinning futures
rosy as the ribbon encircling
your wrist. They say you have

a small hole in your heart, a con-
genital defect - meaning you
were born with it. Good thing

it's healing, cells are knitting
together, valves are shutting
and opening for your life. See,

I'm not that heartless; it's just that
You could have been mine.
So, here's my version of a curse,

a portent of puberty; you will
bleed as if pricked and punctured
by an unseen spindle each month.

You will learn to bar the chambers
of your heart with brambles
and thorns. Rumors will spread

that you are dead. Sleeping beauty,
you will dream that someone's
kiss will bring you back to life

after a hundred years. Don't count
on him appearing that easily -
princes are hard enough to come

by these days; they like to take
their time. Oh, do stop clenching
your heart-sized fist at me -

you were born with a hollow
in your heart. I have one, too.

the most stressful week of my entire existence is over...whew....

monday: natsci lab finals..submission of plant care project...

tuesday: the only time for me to study purely

wednesday: pe finals..

thursday: math long test

friday: es long test... submission of literary paper...

the only things left for next week are: math, lit and es finals... and that 5-7 page paper in fil... whhaaaahhh....

i was surfing the net last night and i came across this forum by university students.. they're talking about the two main topics of calculus - differential and integral - and which they find easier and harder.. turned out there are some people who find integration easier than differentiation...

now here's what's interesting:

one student remarked that according to his/her prof, your preference issomehow determined by your personality.. if you're for differentiation, you're a simpleng tao, the one who wants to take the easier route.. people who like integration are the creative/artistic ones daw.. yung gustong maghanap ng kakaibang solusyon sa mga problems..heheh.. may psychological interpretation pa pala...

for me, differentiation per se and intergration per se, are not so far from each other.. parang reverse operations lang.. like mutliplication and division.. pero gaya nga ng comments ng ibang tao dun, division is harder than multiplication.. subtraction is harder than addition.. but if you ask me, di naman sila ganun kalayo in terms of difficulty.. but i'm slightly partial to differentiation.. second-order partial derivatives are much easier to handle than double integrals...

i can't believe i'm talking about math.. i must need a vacation.. enough said.. i'm out.. bye bye..

"if with images i could catch on photographic film a likeness of you in Sagada..."

for lack of a better and original expression, here's something i borrow from other bloggers: i just bombed nuked my lit finals... yah i know what you're thinking: Boo!! lit na nga lang di pa magawang ayusin... haaay.. it feels so weird.. after the test, we were comparing ideas and mine was sooo different from the others!!! is there something wrong with my brain?? ok lang sana kung at least confident ako na mas ok sagot ko.. but the thing is that except for a few acceptable points here and there, my analysis was really pilit!!! it was like i was so stuck with the details that i failed to see the bigger picture.. but i guess i'm still proud of my interpretation to the title: sagada stills in a floating world.. heheheh...

oh well.. forget the B+ i was aiming.. di ko nga lam kung abot pa ng B grade ko. yah i know, i'm grade-conscious... sorry, but that's just me...

the math finals was ok.. but the fact that i found it ok was what scares me.. heheh.. but i'm not living on patterns, so there.. heheh.. enough said...

"...i would have to sit a thousand years with master of austere light, Masferre, to learn the process of rendering silence."

"if with words you could catch on silk paper a likeness of me in Sagada..."

this day officially ends it all.. i submitted my fil paper earlier and from then on, everything just feels good!!! 2nd sem was the best!!! hahahah...

thing i'd miss:

• everyday lunches in katipunan...
• english block!!!!
• blockmates...
• MWF afternoons (diba lanz?? 1230-5 kasama kita!!!!) heheh
• ms. maramara and the plays she require...
• ms. len's generous grades..
• commuting with amy.. hahah.. paranoid!!! joke lang...
• studying in the lib with nathan and jd.. you guys are the best!!!
• uwian time with stacy - though rare lang yun..
• doc marasigan na rin..hahahah..
• pe class.. "asphyg noh?"
• shuttle service pero minsan lang..
• free cuts ni sir vlad..
• group reports with viva and ann.. grabe, forever na ba??
• party invitations here and there... i never went to any one, but i love being invited anyway... i know..i'm wicked!!!
• cramming papers in ctc with lanz...
• passing by the sec benches to see someone..

things i REALLY miss:

• dad and migs... need i say more??
• high school friends!!!! one of them completely stopped texting me.. makes me feel bad about myself.. if you're reading this, you know who you are.. i'm sorry, i never paid much attention to you before.. as you said, "too late"... oh well, can't blame you.. i guess in a way, i deserve this treatment..
• i miss the car.. back in high school, i asked my parents to let me commute.. but now i see how hard it can get.. i love commuting with amy, though...enough said..

just some weird blogworthy things:

• i was reading a blog by a fellow atenean and he was talking about having LSS during final exams.. guess what?? it happened to me first time yesterday during math finals!!!! it was sooo weird!! i just found myself singing bamboo's take me down.. or was it mr. clay?? basta a song by bamboo.. and there's another blogger who swears a song was also playing in her mind while taking the math finals!!!! does this also happen to you guys?? i seriously need to know...
• ok so you know i live in a condo right?? now there was this condo unit beside ours and both our units' openings are such that we can hear each other's noises - if they are noisy enough.. (duh... i'm so moronic) here's the weird thing.. every late night, a guy would play the flute... same tune.. every late night.. same tune.. every late night.. same tune.. even during dawn.. i'm actually hearing it right this very moment.. nothing wrong with that, just freaks me out sometimes cause that's the case for as far as i can remember!! and i've been here for almost a year!!!

"...you would have to sit a thousand years with master of austere measure, Shikibu, to learn the process of staining sound."

Because I no longer worship the saints...

i've lost mine a long time ago.. and i hate it when my mom looks at me as if i'm going straight to hell. it was more than just disappointing for her, of course, being the devout catholic that she is.

no, i've never been an atheist or something. i've never doubted the existence of God. it's just that... i no longer worship the saints!! you can say i've been into this Christianity thing.. that's a long time ago and i've still done nothing about it.. i'm such a loser.. i'm a weak person.. i cant fight for my faith.. i tried once. but it got nowhere. so now i just pray..

i can still remember the times when i'd say the rosary twice a day. but those days are over now. (i originally wanted to write some attacks about catholicism here, but i figured it would do no good.) suffice to say that Chrisitianity is more based on the Word of God and that's just what i'm looking for.. i'm still praying for my mom, though..

thanks to marc, my brother just read this.. and yes, he didn't miss my previous losing-my-religion post.. oh well... heto lang masasabi ko sayo miguel: spill even just one word, and i'm no longer the best sister in the world.. hahahahahah...!!!! SERIOUSLY NOW: DON'T YOU EVEN TRY BOY!!! MAGAGALIT AKO!!!!! I'M DEAD SERIOUS.. PROBLEMA NAMIN YUN..

sorry i have to post it for everyone to read.. just for you to know how serious i am...

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birthday ni alena!!! sorry tagal ng text ko!!! alang reception ang sun dito sa place namin eh.. heheheh... anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!