it's all just a blackjack game

summer registration was so hassle.. i haven't even paid my tuition yet.. but i've got an even bigger problem: summer classes will start tomorrow, i'll be taking up three subjects, two of which i don't know where they'd take place. hahah.. all i know is that i have to be at school by 730am for japanese, itm 14 starts at 12..pero di ko alam saang rooms tong mga to!! hahaha....i know i'm the only one confronted with this situation cause im sure everybody else noted their schedules while registering..(if you're not from my school, then you probably don't understand how this is)

lest amy concludes im undoubtedly the stupidest (word ba yun?) thing on earth, i tried to do something to solve my prob.. i went online and checked the schedules..BUT, i didn't see any itm subject on the list.. AND there were two japanese subjects scheduled for a 730 class.. so which is which? good thing magkalapit lang ng rooms.. so biggest prob talaga yung itm.. hah! pano na ba to???? whahahahaha..panu kaya toh??? does anybody know how to access your "account" on aisis?? i doubt that, though..hahhaha

i just realized how wonderful my summer sched is..first class starts at 730, so hindi pa masyadong mainit.. last class is from 12-130 pero nasa aircon..tapos it's in ctc pa.. so di na gaanong malayo nilalakad.. kaya ayos..

for those who are not taking summer classes, they changed the bell na..hehehehehe...la lang..gusto ko lang sabihin..di na sya nakakagulat..

hmmm.. wala talaga ako masabi..

---

actually meron...

i remembered the movie anger management.. i think i have an anger problem. not the kind of anger problem adam sandler's "colleagues" have. i guess mine is that of adam sadler.. (for those who haven't seen the movie, adam sandler's role is that of a peaceful, calm, even-tempered person.. which is why the situation went wild when under certain circumstances, he was forced to take up anger management lessons from someone who seemed crazier than he)

so back to me..i'm not a confrontational person. for me, confrontations equate to scandals..which is why when i get mad at certain people, they have no idea how i feel 95% of the time.. i hate to show anger..(in fact, i really don't know if i'm angry already or not) i pretend everything is fine, that i'm not offended at what someone does, that an insensitive remark is nothing.. for the record lang, i'm not really that sensitive naman..but some remarks just get into me...and when they do, i just don't know what to do! my automatic response (defense mechanism?) is to feign indifference.. but it really doesn't help..

my attitude about anger is eating me.. i hate being angry..which is why i hide it..but a lot of times, i also think that maybe i need to release it. i've read a lot of times that anger, when drawn inwardly, affects your health - physical health.. and may lead to depression. (there was actually this time in high school when i burst out crying after someone said something i really didn't like..some people probably saw me as an overly-sensitive person after reacting that way..what they didn't know, however, is that matagal nang naipon yung galit ko..  that someone, kept saying insensitve remarks, criticizing me - out of jest of course - and all those times, i acted coolly..pretended to have kept my cool.. i pretended i could tolerate the way he/she treated me..and maybe that time, i actually believed i could..until the outburst..)

i don't really know where i'm getting at..but my point is: sometimes, i just want to stop faking it anymore..sometimes i want to be frank with people..tell them how i feel..tell them, hey what you're doing is not funny anymore..

why am i writing this? because a few weeks ago, i had this gradual realization of how bad certain people actually treat me.. i don't know.. maybe this is just a mood swing (although i don't think of myself as a moody person), loneliness (i sooo miss my high school friends), or just plain boredom..

arrrghh..i hate over-analyzing things...

i originally wanted to write about this in my anonymous blog..but if you can read this now - in tabulas - then i guess that speaks a lot about the importance of having an intended audience in writing about one's self.

don't worry about me.. i'm definitely fine..but really lonely.. as you can see, i just shifted out of my course.. and a part of me -just a small one, hehe - says, maybe i didn't do the right thing..my eco blockmates are just great..and i terribly miss my high school friends.. i stayed in pangasinan for 3 weeks but i only saw them once..

(note: the real problem is not discussed and only subtly mentioned in this post)

so bye bye na.. maybe all i need to do is study math for three hours and not think about anything else.. hahahahahahah....

went to ateneo this morning...

una, id picture taking...

mimi: magpapa-id poh..
accounting: sa adsa..
mimi: magpapa-id poh..
adsa: sa window 17
(sarado ang window 17.. kaya sa window 16 muna ako)
mimi: magpapa-id poh..
man: pasok ka na, hintay ka lang sa couch...
(wow naman, sa couch pa talaga eh..)
(nung nakapasok na ako..)
man: id?....pasok ka na.... magpapalit ka ba ng picture?
mimi: opoh..
man: bakit ngayon ka lang nagpa-id??
mimi: ahhhh............... hindi ko po alam................................na........................................................
man: hindi mo alam na??...............................may ID? hahaha



tapos, punta ako sa dela costa:

(pasok sa modern languages department)
(may kausap ang secretary sa phone)
(waited for about a minute or two)
secretary: (looked at me and smiled) ano yun?
mimi: ahhhh... dito po ba yung sa japanese studies?
secretary: ay, sa kabila yun..
mimi: ahh, saan pong kabila? (apparently, i was thinking sa kabilang room or something like that lang)
secretary: sa socsci yun.. (as in social sciences building) sa third floor
(so punta naman ako socsci)

secretary ng jps: (looked at me and smiled)
mimi: ahh.. pwede poh ba makita yung class list ng japanese 1 section f?
secretary: para saan?
mimi: ahh.. kasi poh hindi ako sure kung nasa tamang class ako eh... heheh..
secretary: sandali ah.. tingnan natin..anong pangalan mo?
mimi: _________, emily ________ poh...(naka-underline na kasi baka makilala ako ng mga nagbabasa nito na hindi nakakakilala sa kin.. ang feeling noh?)
secretary pa rin: (frowns) teka lang ha, medyo mabagal to eh.. (just in case di niyo na-gets, she was talking about the computer...)
mimi: ahh.. panu po kung sakaling mali pala yung napasukan ko.. pwede pa po ba akong mag-transfer?
secretary: ahh.. tapos na yung load revision eh........
mimi: ahh...
secretary: ano bang nangyari?
mimi: kasi poh diba dalawa ang 730 classes ng jap 1? halos sure naman talaga ako na nasa f ako eh..pero gusto ko lang poh ma-verify (hmm.. kunwari pang ive-verify lang)
mimi: (kunwari titingin-tingin sa upuan)
secretary: upo ka muna...
(after, a minute or less...)
secretary: __________? emily _______? oo, nasa section f ka...
mimi: section f poh ako? kay mr. _____ poh??
secretary: (oo ang sagot sa dalawa)
mimi: thank you poh!!!!


stupidity ain't always bad... at least you have something to write about, no matter how embarrassing and, well, stupid....